The Goat Says "MEH!"

The turkey goes "GOBBLE! GOBBLE!"

The horse goes "NIGH! NEIGH!"

The dog goes "WOOF! WOOF!"

From monkeys, to sharks, to lions, there are different species that call planet earth home.

All animals living on earth look different from the light brown fur covering their whole body, keeping them warm as they creep up and tackle sick, hopeless animals for their next meal, or blue and green scales covering up their small, slimy body as they uselessly swim around in their own filth however, when we see them, we can tell they are animals. It is the same with human beings.

When we look at each other we see different colors, shapes, and sizes but if you put us behind an x-ray, and view under our skin, our bones are the same, we would not be able to recognize each other. But under our skin and bones, contains our soul, a personality; our mind in which we contain our own thoughts and feeling about not only ourselves, but of each other.

We gather these thoughts and feelings from when we were very young from family, friends, and society that surrounds all of us by what we are taught and what sounds and images we hear everyday. What we learn from others, these sounds, and images we hear and surround ourselves with everyday, build up one on top of each other and soon they build our identity.

On September 7th, 2012, the Bayan Learning Community went through different activities to become comfortable with one another and to get to know each other. One activity was called “Wagon Wheel.”

As a class, we were told to pair up in partners of two, each facing one another and other surrounding in a circle.

Once the partners faced one another the individual on the outer circle had to ask the person sitting on the outside of the circle question that was provided.

When the questions were asked and time was up the person sitting in the inside of the circle had to move over two places to the left, leaving their old partner and taking the questionnaire with them.

Once with their new partner, the people sitting in the inside of the circle passed the questionnaire over to their new partner and the person sitting in the inside of the circle was not being asked the questions.

I was able to ask the questions to my partner, whom I forget their name, the questions from the handout first but when it was flipped over to me to answer them, I hesitated.

“When did you first realize race could be problematic?” he asked me.

"Uhhh," I responded.

I have never thought about this before, let alone had someone question me.

He started to look impatient with his arms crossed as he asked me the question again, “When did you first realize race could be problematic?”

I thought about it a little more. Flashbacks of my childhood came flowing into my mind, kids making fun of my English accent, teasing me for the color of my skin. 

My partner gave me a blank glance and grumbled "Well?"

"Looking for work." I lied.

I realized that my race would be a problem for me since I was a little girl. I am the only person in my family that doesn't look Mexican. I did not fit in. I will never fit in, they would tell me. When I started preschool children would ask me, "What are you?"

"I don't know." I hesitated.

"Your not a real person, your an alien!" they would laugh.

"Hello?" My partner waves his hands in front of me, "You ok?"

"Yeah, sorry, whats the next question?"

“Describe the first time you consciously first realized you were a member of your race/ethnicity.” looking disinterested. 

"I don't know, I never felt like I belonged with an race or ethnicity."

"Never."

"Yup."

Race and ethnicity makes someone who they are. It is embedded in part of their personality, their identity but I always felt like I have to prove my race and ethnicity to others.

Is it because I am not a "stereotypical" Mexicana?!

Is it because people always mistaken me as a white girl?!

 

I will never know.....

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Hollywood Boulevard

 

Riding my bicycle along Hollywood Boulevard today I saw him in the crowd - noticed him instantly.
When we reached each other, I said hi and asked if he would mind if I took his photo.

“You want my photo?”

"Yeah," I said. "There’s nobody like you."

“I know.”

And he smiled for me, although his face was evidently destroyed by something, and his mouth reconstructed. I asked him what happened.

“Shot,” he said. “Shot in the face.”

He motioned a gun at close range being shot directly into his face.

"And you survived that?" I asked.

“No,” he said with a smile. “I’m dead.”

I apologized for what was a stupid question, but it was hard to fathom - gun shot- close range - into his face, and he lived?

"So what happened?" I asked. "Was it an accident, or did someone mean to shoot you?"

“I did it myself. Tried to kill myself.” 

"You did?" 

“Yeah.” 

"Where?" 

“Arizona.” 

"Phoenix?" 

“Tucson.” 

"So tell me, how did it feel, after you shot yourself in the face and realized you were not dead?"

“Agony. The worst agony ever.” 

"Man." 

“Yeah.” 

"What kind of gun?"

“30-aught-six.”

I was thunderstruck. I have met and photographed many people humans who have overcome amazing adversity.

Lydia, who was burnt almost to death. Ray, whose eye was gone. Margaret, who weighed over 500 pounds. But this. Man. And yet he was smiling.

I told him what I thought: God gives everyone a different life - and some people get really really hard lives.

“That’s me. Doesn’t get much worse.”

Told me he’s on the street. Homeless. I asked him how bad it was that he wanted to die.

“Bad. Really bad. The worse kind.” 

"Are you gonna try again?" 

“No. I tried once. That’s enough.”

And yet he smiled. He smiled for me. This man with his face blown off, by his own hand. And here he is - in the sunshine, listening to music, smiling.

Sometimes our lives seem hard, unbearable even but then we meet Kevin, or Lydia, or Ray.

And realize again how lucky we are.

Credit

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A.R.M.S?

You had better things to do.

Like getting your nails done at the salon and shopping for that cute blue mini skirt you saw on Fashion Police or playing video games with a few of your bro’s, seeing who can chug down those last couple cans of beer before vomiting into the gray bucket in your lap.

Of course waiting the last minute, you type up that four page paper, trying to complete the assignment hours before class starts. Staying up to the break of dawn you finally finish that paper for that one class with that person that you have had a crush on for years with their back always facing you during class.

Soon you finished that long paper, faster than you thought you could and with so much time to spare you start drifting off to sleep but wait! You are going to present the paper in front of the class.

Fuck!

You don’t want to sound like an idiot in front of the class, especially with your crush sitting right in front of you, it is time for you to revise.

Revising papers can be a bit stressful if you don’t know what to look for or even not knowing the steps in you need to take, in order to revise. Just stick with “A.R.M.S.” No not your physical arms, “A.R.M.S.” With “A.R.M.S,” you take steps to look through that long essay and make it sound clear and organized.

First you start with the first letter, the letter “A.”

Is there anything you have forgotten to add in your essay? If there is, add it to the rest of your essay were you think it belongs.

Second is “R.”

Rereading your essay, did you find anything that doesn’t seem to belong in you essay? Then remove what doesn’t belong.

After removing what doesn’t relate to your essay, it is time to make your essay flow. Play and move around parts of your essay to make your essay run smoother, “M,” move things around.

After setting you essay down, is there anything that needs to be in a little more detail?

Make everything more specific! For example, what type of dog ran? The brown, dirty dog ran away from animal control because it did not want to go to the pound, duh!

Well the audience won’t know unless you specify your facts with these details. If you don’t the reader would just know the dog ran, it ran for no freaking reason even though you know that it did not want to get caught. “S,” specify chucks with details.

Soon, you have proudly revised your essay. Just give yourself a high five. Now all you got left to do is recite it in front of your class and your crush.

Don’t be nervous, you know your essay sound’s great after removing, rereading, rearranging, and specified everything and your crush won’t think that you’re an idiot. Maybe they’ll ask you for some one on one alone study time to help them on their essay.

Ok, maybe not.


 But one can dream.

 

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Four Corners

Everyone has their sense of identity.

Identity is what makes us who we are.

It is in the silver lining what we are made to be, what we are going to be, and who we are but we ever thought about our own identity?

On September 6, 2012, the class and some returning classmates from the previous semester were asked questions concerning their identity and answering by moving to the corner that most corresponds to their answer.

For example a question was asked, “Which aspect of your identity do others typically react to the least?”

The class was given for answers to choose from that consists of ether race and ethnicity, gender, sex, and sexual orientation, class and socioeconomic status, and faith and spirituality. Each corner of the room had a clear mark or label with each of these answers.

For the question, “Which aspect of your identity do others typically react to the least?” had walked to the corner displaying gender, sex, and sexual orientation because I feel like one doesn’t really make a big deal when they notice what sexual orientation, sex, or gender you are. “Oh, you’re a female? Ok.” And one doesn’t think more than that about your sexual orientation, sex, or gender you are.

Doing this exercise was quite difficult because I have not asked myself these questions before thus, I did not have an answer and it took me some time in order to answer the question and move to the comer displaying my answer.

For example, the class was asked “Which aspect of identity most divides your family of origin?” I had chosen class and socioeconomic status. I had not thought about it before. My family seems really greedy. To me they seem to care most about living in a big house, fancy cars, and designer brands. They want me to have a career that fill my wallet but I tend rather care about following my heart. Because of this, it has caused a lot of conflict in my family.

This is a great exercise and when it was completed I found myself still questioning myself the questions asked.

I guess I still have more thinking to do in order to understand and discover myself.         

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Blog Grids

 People tend to express themselves in different ways.

Some individuals tend to express themselves through artwork with paintings, sculptures, and drawings. Some may express their inner most thoughts and feeling through music, from relating to the lyrics to the song or hearing the soft piano music sooth your mind and put you at ease and for others they may drift and let the flow of the music take them away to a safe place but for others they blog, they generate their thoughts and feelings onto paper, type them up, and publish their thoughts, ideas, and opinions online for others to read to relate, or understand a different point of view other than their own.

 

In Bayan Community, English 114, the class was given a grid. The task was to complete the grid by answering its questions. The way to complete the grid is that we had to gather all pervious reflection assignments and using the reflection papers as a template, one slowly completes the grid.  One question that was asked on the grid assignment was, “Who’s my intended audience?” For example, with one of my reflection papers was about the chaos that crashers create on the first couple of days of the start of the semester. I mention that crashers delay class time and lose student focus to learn and keep professors from educating their students. At the end of the reflection paper I state and or call out “If you are that individual crashing.” So who is my intended audience?

 

My main intended audience is the crashers, or freshman that is entering a college environment for the first time. Other people who may also be a part of my intended audience may be new professors who never taught in a college educational setting before or parents whom would like to understand what the first day may be like for their children. Another question being asked on the grid assignment is, “Links? YouTube Clips? Images?” The use of these materials is extremely important. It stimulates the brain and keeps the reader of the blog interested.

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